Bennett started Mom's Day Out at Eastern Shore Presbyterian Church on September 22! It was a very nerve rattling, big step in motherhood for this momma. I was so nervous. And not about Bennett's welfare, but for my sanity. I have never left him with anyone besides family, Dee Dee and close friends. And I knew that going into it was going to be hard because he doesn't go to strangers very well. But I knew it was the best decision for him.
So the morning he started MDO we had to be there at 8:30am. Of course, I had to wake him up at 8:05am because he wasn't budging. He got dressed, put on his new, shiny, white shoes and headed out the door. Of course I had my camera in tow to take all these fabulous first day of school pics when the unthinkable happened. I bent down to set him on the ground to snap a photo before putting him in the car and my camera fell out of the diaper bag bouncing off the cement. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Of course I think I may have said, scratach that, SCREAMED a nice little word that rhymes with mit. Moving along from the potty mouth. I picked the camera up in panic to realize my lens is pretty messed up. I just took a deep breath and did my best to smile with Buggy so he wasn't scared of the way his crazy momma had just acted. I was able to snap a few pics with the lens, but we had to hurry along to school since B didn't get up until 8:05am!
We got to school and of course he held onto my legs for dear life, taking in the scenery, but not budging to play with the kiddos. After a few minutes a sweet, blond little beauty named Levi came over to play trucks. Bennett let go of my leg. I think my heart might have temporarily stopped beating. As badly as I wanted him to be okay with this new experience, I was taken aback by him letting go. But it didn't last long. He realized I was sneaking out and started crying. Even with my back turned I knew it was his cry. Of course you know your baby's cry in any situation! I turned around, not to pick him up (although I was dying to sweep him off his feet and comfort him), but to close the classroom door. We made eye contact. That was it. The most heartbreaking feeling in the world. It was my fault that he was so upset. It literally took everything I had to keep going and run down the hall to the car. I felt like it was the longest hallway ever. I got in the car and immediately started calling family and friends so I could get my mind off of him and move on with my day. After all, this was Mom's Day Out, right?
I will have to admit I LOVED my time from 8:30am to 1:00pm. I got so much done with work and errands. Triple the amount I would have been able to if B was with me.
When I went to pick up him I asked Ms. Brenda how he did. She said he cried for about 30 - 45 minutes, but not screaming crying, just sad, puppy wimpering :( Breaks your heart, doesn't it? But what I should have mentioned first was when I got to the classroom he was running in circles on the playmat with Levi and Gordon and having the time of his life. His eyes lit up when he saw me and he ran to me for a quick 'Hi Momma' and then away he went back to the playmat (and all with his Lovey in tow). It made me feel so, so much better about dropping him off just hours earlier knowing that he was having an absolute blast.
He is going to MDO every Friday and every Friday it gets a little easier. Still the crying and not wanting me to leave him, but the crying has ceased to 10 - 15 minutes now. And every time I go to get him, he is having so much fun!
- 09.22.11, 12 months
